Chapter 9

And Ariel went on, throwing herself into as many hours at the dress shop as her manager would allow and in the evenings searching the internet fiercely for another job. Her savings was quickly depleting as the original intention of her job was to give her something to occupy her time. It had been a month since David left, and she hadn't yet told her parents. Ariel had a justification at every turn when she would glance at her phone out of the corner of her eye, and had convinced herself that so far, she was managing just fine. Since meeting David, the majority of her friends consisted of couples, and the last thing Ariel wanted to be around was that, and besides, she wasn't sure which ones he had already claimed. So, her days consisted of work and then obligation, with room for very little else. Occasionally she would step outside to walk up and down the hills surrounding the apartment, look at the burnt sky, and wonder what it would be like to be a cloud.

It was a Tuesday and the phone rang. It was her mother.
"Hey sweetie," her mom said gently.
"Hi, Mom."
"Haven't heard from you in a while...just checking in. How are you guys doing?"
"Um..we're not."
"What?"
"David's gone. He left. We split up."
"Oh, honey! What happened? Are you ok? Do you need some money?"
"I don't really want to go into it. I'm fine, though."
"But what happened? You've been together such a long time, people don't just leave without---"
"I told him to go. I wanted children, he didn't. End of story."
"Do you need a place to stay?"
"Mom, I'm fine. I've still got the apartment."
"But how are you supporting yourself working at that awful store?"
"I've picked up some more hours...and I'm looking for something else."
"You could always go back to school. You were such a talented writer."
"I studied Classical Literature, Mom."
"But you wrote such wonderful stories when you were younger.You could teach."
"I have to get back to my resume, Mom."
"Well, ok. But before I let you go, what are your plans for Sunday? You should come over for dinner. Your father's been talking about you, I think it'd be nice for all of to get together."
"Ok, sure. Is Gary going to be there?"
"I don't know, but we could invite him if you'd like."
"Yeah, that'd be good."
"Ok. See you then."

Gary was Ariel's older brother, whom she hadn't seen since the spring. He had recently moved back to the same neighborhood they grew up in after a long stint teaching in Lyon. They had always been close, and while their parents weren't the enemy, Ariel felt like having an ally at the dinner table. Gary also drank more since he came back from Europe, so the attention to her pending divorce had a sufficient chance of being minimal. Ariel looked at the new clock in her office. She had splurged and bought a twenty inch wall piece complete with whimsical Alice in Wonderland numerals and a hilly landscape background. And all it did was tell time.

Chapter 8

"You know what you're looking for?" Said the tall, dark man dressed in a blue mechanic coverall. The patch on his left breast wrote "Jimmy" in red cursive.
"Hardly," Ariel replied. Jimmy's hands were worn, calloused, and his ears stuck out. Still, his squinting eyes had flecks of green and Ariel felt herself perspire a little.
 "Well, it could be a lot of things. But a car this age, I would guess it's the catalytic converter."
"Is that expensive to replace?"
Jimmy smiled softly. "Let's just get it hooked up to the computer before we worry about that." Ariel didn't like the way this way this was going. But what choice did she have? She needed a car to get work so she could continue to eat and have a roof over her head. Life hadn't stopped. Jimmy went inside the shop and came out with what looked like an over-sized game boy with two long, wire appendages coming from the bottom. "Get in and turn on the engine."
"Ok." Ariel twisted the keys and got out. Jimmy hooked up one of the wires inside the driver's side of the car. He studied the computer and looked at her. "It's the thing you said it was, isn't it?" she said.
"Yeah. I don't know if it's the one in the front or the back, but it's definitely one of 'em."
"How much does it cost to replace?"
"It depends on which one it is, but anywhere from $500 to $1500 if you get it done here. Whatever you do, I wouldn't go to your dealership. It isn't worth it."
Ariel felt her heart sink. "I don't have anywhere close to that kind of money right now. My husband just left. I have to pay for a divorce. I was thinking about getting a cat..." Ariel's eyes got wide and she started to shrink in her t-shirt.   
Jimmy avoided eye contact and stepped back. "I'm, um, sorry."
Ariel looked up at his old man cap. He was too young and too attractive to work a place like this, but he probably didn't think so. "It's ok." Her eyes went from inside the car back to him. "Is it something I have to get done right away?"
"No." He brushed his hand under his nose which left a grease mark. "You've probably got a month before you really need to worry. I wouldn't wait longer than that though. Just check the temperature gauge on your dashboard and make sure it's not over that middle mark so it doesn't overheat."
"Thanks. How much do I owe you?"
Jimmy unhooked the computer from her car. "You don't."
"What?"
"I didn't do any work, so you don't owe me anything."
"Ok. Well, can I give you a tip or something?"
"Don't worry about it. Just come back when you're ready."
"Well, thank you."
"It's alright. Be careful, though. Whatever it is you're going through, it's not safe to go trekking along this road without at least a taser in your glove compartment."
"Thanks for the advice, Jimmy," she replied.
"Name's not Jimmy, it's Sam." He stuck out his hand. Ariel followed suit. "I found this at Goodwill," pointing to the coverall. "Most people don't know my real name."
"I'm Ariel." Sam shot her a look. "My parents changed it after I saw The Little Mermaid. I begged them for months."
"Wow. Your parents are pushovers."
"You have no idea."
"I bet."
 "Well, thanks for everything. This was really nice of you."
"My pleasure. See you around." Sam waved and went back inside, Ariel opened the car door. She turned out of the parking lot and started home. The coffee was lukewarm and there were stale muffin crumbs all over the passenger's seat. Across the street, a woman was pushing a cart full of cans. 

Chapter 7

She didn't know what to expect when she left the parking lot. The only thing guiding her was the pain in her stomach and a check engine light flashing between stop signs. She headed towards Captain Coffee, an international chain of overpriced milk and espresso concoctions whose logo consisted of a cartoon sea-outlaw clasping his large sword and smiling with sparse white teeth. "Arrgh!" Ariel thought. But, it was the fast, convenient fix she needed with minimal human interaction. She ordered the daily brew and a banana nut muffin.

When someone leaves, even if you partially want them to, it leaves this imperceptible line connecting you to the opposing person, and that's all. There is only that string between you---some memories and perhaps a few scattered objects---which remains the only evidence they ever existed. Ariel felt she had no right to her feelings; after all, David was still alive, just not with her. He could go on now and lead a happy life, as could she. She cried on the lid of her to-go mug.

She didn't want to go home, but the car wasn't a safe bet, so she drove along Anderson Road, a street where every two blocks or so was a different mechanic. As a result, the part of town wasn't a safe bet either, but Ariel was feeling destructive in the way that guilt and sorrow yields. She remembered she had stocked some Camel Lights in the glove box. She lit up and turned right to turn left to turn around and kept on. The sky was completely covered.

Chapter 6

Ariel woke up with a pang in her chest. She looked at the clock on the nightstand. 6:30. Light was coming through the beige curtain on her window. A framed picture of her and David from a friend's wedding sat on the bookshelf. She was smiling, looking down while David kissed her forehead. Ariel pushed the covers off of her. The feeling of relief was coupled with an emptiness that the apartment reflected. She staggered through each room, absorbing the distance between herself and the mirrors, paintings, bookshelves, and chairs. Each object felt two-dimensional and moving closer didn't settle her. She wrapped herself in a bathrobe and made coffee. She gazed over her mug at the couch which seemed alarmingly red today. "I have to get out of here," she mumbled to herself. Without eating breakfast or taking a shower, she threw on some jeans and one of David's old t-shirts and left.

It was bright and she had forgotten sunglasses. It felt like a year since she had left the apartment, so trying to conceive of where she last parked her car seemed futile. Still, the '91 gray mercury sable sat only a few hundred feet to her left. She rummaged through her purse to find her keys. When she started the car, Neil Young's Harvest Moon boomed through her small speakers. She opened all of her windows and listened to the traffic.

Chapter 5

Ariel turned off the television. She got up and joined her husband in the dark bedroom. She turned on the light. He sat slouched at the edge of the bed with his briefcase hanging below his feet.
"I know it." He murmured. "It's fine. I'll be ok."
She walked towards the bed and put her arms around him. He started to cry.
"I feel like I've lost something, Ariel."
"I know." She kissed the back of his neck.
"No, I mean...something inside myself. Something I had when I met you, and now can't find."
"That's how it goes." She sighed.
"It doesn't have to be. You still have it. I see it inside you. Every day, whether you show it to me or not." He pulled her long hair behind her shoulders and put his hand on her thigh. "I wouldn't be a good father."
She kissed him. "I love you."
"Me too. But it's not about that."

They sat there holding hands until it was dark out, and then Ariel began to pack a small bag.
"Don't." David said. "I'll go. There's so much of you here already."
"Ok." She replied. "Where will you go?"
"Does it matter?"
"I guess it doesn't."
He didn't bother to pack. He just collected his toothbrush and walked away. Ariel curled up on the bed with her wind-up doll. The room was dark again. It began to rain.

Chapter 4

Three weeks went by and Ariel had started writing several drafts of a letter to David. Some were elaborate goodbyes, some were ultimatums, others were suggestions on how to fix things between them. She had the day off. David was still at work. She picked up her glass of ice water and left the office. They had bought a new couch, candy apple red. The rest of the room consisted of neutral colors. When they were picking it out Ariel had become hopeful; as if the agreement on a couch could be a precursor to a resolution to the larger obstacles between them. It was well out of their price range, but David said they should live a little. She sat on the couch and picked up The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter and flipped to the page where she had left off. It had been nearly six months since she bought it and she was only forty pages from finishing. She couldn't seem to read more than a chapter at a time. She put the book down. The apartment was no longer her home. It was a place filled top to bottom with silence. She could leave, but she owed him more than that, so she turned on the television and waited.

David came home to his wife watching America's Next Top Model, Tyra Banks giving constructive criticism while Ariel clutched a square pillow with anticipation. In the beginning of their courtship, he thought Ariel was above such cliches, slowly he began to adjust to them, but would never fully accept.
"Hey there," he yawned.
"Hi."
"Pretty good episode?"
"It's the season finale."
"Well, don't let me interrupt."
"I won't."
He moved slowly towards to bedroom to put down his things. He thought about the words he wanted to say, the words he could say, and the words that would accomplish what he desired to accomplish. The bedroom looked different to him now, the hope and joy of their beginning had transformed into a foggy tension that neither of them knew how to navigate through. He sat on the bed a moment, observing the pictures and oil paintings, the potted lilies in the window. Beauty was not what was lacking here, it was something less tangible.

Chapter 3

She stood over the salmon and reached for the olive oil. David was still sitting on the couch and had switched to a crossword. As the fish changed color, Ariel imagined the living room without David. Then, slowly, she began to imagine each room empty; the study filled with only her books and laptop, her posters and small treasures. David glanced at her.

"We should talk about this. We can't keep ending the conversation by one of us leaving the room."
She looked up at him. "I wonder who set up that precendent."
He walked over to the kitchen and put his hand on her shoulder. "I don't want to fight."
She relaxed her posture. "The first time I bring up having children you blow me off. How am I supposed to be acting right now?"
"I'm just not ready."
"When we met you said you wanted a big family, didn't you? What happened to that?"
He looked towards the refrigerator and back at her. "I just want it to be us for a while longer."
She placed the salmon and asparagus delicately on a white serving platter. "Well, I don't know if I can wait that long."
He took off the lid to the pot holding the rice. "Let me think about it, okay?" He put his hands around her shoulders and stroked her neck. "I love you. You know that, right?"
She exhaled deeply. "I do."